How to Communicate Effectively

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No matter your age, background, or experience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, you'll be able to get your point across. Here's how to do it.

Steps

Creating The Right Environment For Communication

Choose the right time. As the cliché states, there is a time and a place for everything, and communicating is no different.
- Avoid leaving discussions about heavy topics such as finances or weekly planning until late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced with sorting out major issues when they're at their most tired. Instead, leave heavy topics for mornings and afternoons when people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity.
An intimate conversation]]Choose the right place. If you need to tell someone something that isn't going to be well received (such as news of a death or a breakup), don't do it in public, around colleagues or near other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person receiving the communication and communicate to them in a private place. This will also enable you to provide space to open dialog with them about the communication, and helps to ensure that the two-way process is occurring properly.
- If you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice projecting your voice clearly. Use a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you.
If the phone rings, laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking]]Remove distractions. Turn off all electronics that could go off during the conversation. Do not allow external distractions to act as crutches that keep sidetracking your concentration. They will distract both you and your listener, and effectively kill the communication.

Organizing Your Communications

Organize and clarify ideas in your mind. This should be done before you attempt to communicate these ideas. If you are feeling passionate about a topic, you may become garbled if you haven't already thought of some key points to stick to when communicating it.
- A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those. That way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key points without feeling flustered. Writing these key points down (if it's appropriate) can also help.
Be clear. Make it clear what you're wishing to convey from the outset. For example, your purpose could be to inform others, obtain information or initiate action. People need to know in advance what you expect from your communication.
Stay on topic. Once you start addressing your three main points, make sure everything you're saying adds to the conversation or debate. If you have already thought through the issues and the essence of the ideas that you wish to put across, it is likely that some pertinent phrases will stick in your mind. Do not be afraid to use these to underline your points. Even very confident and well-known speakers reuse their key lines again and again for major effect.
Thank your listener(s). Thank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. No matter what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been negative, it is good manners to end it politely and with respect for everyone's input and time.

Communicating Through Speech

Set the listener at ease. You want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. It can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. This helps the listener identify with you as someone like them.
Be articulate. It is important to speak clearly so that the message comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Your words are remembered because people instantly understand what it is that you are saying. It means uttering your words distinctly, preferring simpler words over more complex ones and speaking at a level guaranteed to be heard, but without coming across as too quiet or disengaged.
Avoid mumbling. Take special care to enunciate highlighted points you need to make in order to avoid any kind of misunderstanding. If mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into out of fear of communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. Discuss what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable around first in order to better develop the message in your own mind. Both the practice and the development of your words for the messaging will build your confidence.
Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest.]] Listen actively. Communication is a two-way street. Remember that while you are talking, you are not learning. In listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your listeners and whether or not it is being received correctly. It can be helpful to ask listeners to rephrase some of what you have said in their own words if they appear to be returning confused or mistaken views to you.
Be vocally interesting. A monotone is not pleasing to the ear. A good communicator will use "vocal color" to enhance communication. Norma Michael recommends raising the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another, and to increase your volume and slow down your voice whenever you are raising a special point or summing up.[1] She also recommends speaking briskly, but pausing to emphasize keywords when you are requesting action.

Communicating Through Body Language

Recognize people. Sure, you don't necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in your group, but they're nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. This means that they are connecting with you. So reward them with your acknowledgment.
Clarity of meaning can be expressed through your body language, too.|right]]Use facial expressions consciously. Aim to reflect passion and generate empathy from the listener by using soft, gentle, and aware facial expressions. Avoid negative facial expressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isn't negative is dependent on the context, including cultural context, so be guided by your situation.
- Be alert for unexpected behavior that suggests you're cross-culturally colliding, such as a clenched fist, a slouched posture, or even silence.[2] If you don't know the culture, ask questions about communication challenges before you start to speak with people in their cultural context.
Communicate eye-to-eye. Eye contact establishes rapport, helps to convince people that you're trustworthy, and displays interest. During a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other person's eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time (but don't overdo it; just as much as feels natural, about 2-4 seconds at a time).[3]
- Remember to take in all of your audience. If you're addressing a boardroom, look every member of the board in the eye. Neglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you business, admission, success, or whatever it is you are endeavoring to achieve.
- If you're addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to 2 seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. This helps to make individual members of the audience feel personally valued.
- Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. In some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or inappropriate. Ask or research in advance.
Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. There is power in pausing. Simon Reynolds says that pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. It helps you to emphasize your points and allow the listener time to digest what has been said. It also helps to make your communication come across as more compelling and it makes your speech easier to listen to.[4]
- Take deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating.
- Get into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation that will help you to keep a steady, calm voice. It will also keep you more relaxed.
- Use pauses to take a breather in what you are saying.
How does this gesture come across?|right]]Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands are saying as you speak. Some hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points (open gestures), while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and can lead to the conversation or listening being closed down (closed gestures). It also helps to watch other people's hand gestures to see how they come across to you.
Keep a check on other body language signals. Watch for wandering eyes, hands picking at fluff on your clothing and constant sniffling. These small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message.

Communicating Effectively In Conflict

Place yourself on even ground. Do not stand or hover over the other person. This creates a power struggle and pushes the conflict to another level. If they are sitting, you should sit with them.
Listen to the other party. Let them say how they feel. Wait until they are completely finished talking before beginning to speak yourself.
Speak in a calm voice. Don't yell or make accusations at the other party. Let them know you have heard their point and understand their side.
Don't try to finish the argument at all costs. If the person walks out of the room, do not follow them. Allow them to do so and let them return when they are calmer and ready to talk.
Don't try to get the last word in. Again, this could lead to a power struggle that may not end. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree and move on.
Use "I" messages. When you're phrasing your concerns, try to start your sentences with "I...". This will make the other person more receptive to your complaints. For instance, instead of saying "You're sloppy and it drives me crazy," try "I feel like messiness is a problem in our relationship."

Video

This video shows you how to communicate effectively.

Tips

Look on the Internet for examples of great speakers in action. There are plenty of role models instantly accessible through videos online. Treat them as your "personal communications coaches!"
If you are giving a presentation to a group or audience, be prepared for difficult questions so that you're not thrown off course and left feeling flustered. To remain in a position of communicating effectively, Michael Brown recommends a golden rule for handling difficult questions in the context of a group or audience. He suggests that you listen on behalf of everyone present, including asking questions and repeating the issue. Share the reply with everyone, which means moving your eyes off the questioner and onto all present in order to have the whole group "wear the answer." Capitalize on this shared answer to move on and change direction.[5]
Don't ramble. This will lead to your message not being understood or taken seriously
Do not whine or plead. Neither is guaranteed to instill respect or interest in the listener. If you are very upset, excuse yourself and come back to the discussion later when you have had a chance to think it through.
Be careful with humor. While a little humor injected into what you are discussing can be very effective, do not take it too far and do not rely on it as a crutch to cover up the hard-to-say things. If you keep giggling and joking, your communication will not be taken seriously.

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Sources and Citations

Some elements of this article were sourced from FEMA, Effective Communication: An Independent Study, December 2005, at PDF document - downloads on clicking, a US government copyright free information source.
Center for Nonverbal Studies, (http://center-for-nonverbal-studies.org/ CN), is an organization dedicated to the study of all forms of non-spoken communication; here you'll find a thorough explanation of the various forms of non-verbal communication.

↑ Norma Michael, How to Say What You Mean, (1988), p.33, ISBN 0-474-00303-5
↑ Don W Prince and Michael H Hoppe, Listen and Watch for Cultural Differences, in Communicating Across Cultures, (2000), pp.14-19
↑ Linda Talley, Body Talk, Career World, a Weekly Reader publication 38.6, (April-May 2010), p.6
↑ Siimon Reynolds, Why People Fail; The 16 obstacles to success and how you can overcome them, (2010), p. 94, ISBN 978-0-670-07431-0
↑ Michael Brown, Speaking Easy, (undated), Media Associates, NZ, p.114.

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Monday, June 18, 2012